random thing i read
The bad advice service is open and ready for questions
DATELINE HONG KONG, SEPTEMBER 11: Usually, the best way to thrive in a recession is to have an original idea. Like the guy in New York who started a service offering bad advice at US$1 a time. Sadly, people there are skeptical about the idea, and he hasn’t made much money.
But other people I’ve discussed it with have loved the idea. It would be perfect for many parts of the world, where financial advisors and consultants charge huge fees for getting everything completely wrong. If we are going to get bad advice, at least it should be good value. So here’s a special new version of the Bad Advice service. The first US$5 worth of bad advice, below, is provided free.
Q: I want to go to America to study. What should I do?
A: Grow a beard, change your name to Bin Laden, and write “terrorism” instead of “tourism” under “purpose of visit” on the visa application form.
Q: The women in our law firm have started a legal feminists group. Should we guys be worried?
A: Not at all. Offer to sit in on their meetings “to help them with any hard words they may not understand”.
Q: A new mosque is opening at the end of my street. What sort of welcome present shall we give them?
A: A book of Danish cartoons would be an excellent gift.
Q: A group of large, dangerous-looking gangsters visited my new shop yesterday demanding protection money. What shall I do?
A: Next time they come, kick the largest one in the seat of the pants as a sign of respect.
Q: I am going to visit Malaysia for the first time next week. What shall I bring?
A: Fill your suitcase and your pockets with illegal drugs. Don’t forget to put price labels on them.
*
AND IN OTHER NEWS…
*
ANOTHER SACKING TALE: Here’s a tale to add to our collection of stories of people being fired. Reader Christian Fardel once came back from a vacation in Mexico and told his employer: “I’m back from a beautiful country. I wouldn’t mind living there.” The boss replied: “Good. You’re sacked” and thanked him for “making it so easy”. *
PIZZA HUT IS changing its name to "The Hut”, because consultants say short, generic names are more memorable. Good idea. The Government of Myanmar should change its name to “The Thugs”.
* NAME OF A new playwright in Hong Kong: Cancer Chong. I learned this from a reader named Jason, who added: “She should be the winner of the ‘what were you thinking?’ award.” *
THE PAY OF post-graduates working at universities can be lower than welfare payments to the jobless, I heard from reader Chaminda de Silva. Okay, so who are the intelligent ones?
* A COMMITTEE OF top scientists has created an official scientific definition of the word “space”. It is the area that begins 118 kilometers above sea level on Planet Earth. Or, the vacuum that exists between the ears of George W. Bush.
* A NEW VENDING machine in Miami offers Bentley limousines at US$1.2 million. Downside: You have to stand there for a year, feeding coins into the slot. *
AND FINALLY…
* A WOMAN IN Germany told police she heard someone being tortured in the woods. Officers found Roland Hofmann laughing at a humorous book. A police officer told the press (I didn’t make this up): “The sound of Germans laughing is unusual.”
DATELINE HONG KONG, SEPTEMBER 11: Usually, the best way to thrive in a recession is to have an original idea. Like the guy in New York who started a service offering bad advice at US$1 a time. Sadly, people there are skeptical about the idea, and he hasn’t made much money.
But other people I’ve discussed it with have loved the idea. It would be perfect for many parts of the world, where financial advisors and consultants charge huge fees for getting everything completely wrong. If we are going to get bad advice, at least it should be good value. So here’s a special new version of the Bad Advice service. The first US$5 worth of bad advice, below, is provided free.
Q: I want to go to America to study. What should I do?
A: Grow a beard, change your name to Bin Laden, and write “terrorism” instead of “tourism” under “purpose of visit” on the visa application form.
Q: The women in our law firm have started a legal feminists group. Should we guys be worried?
A: Not at all. Offer to sit in on their meetings “to help them with any hard words they may not understand”.
Q: A new mosque is opening at the end of my street. What sort of welcome present shall we give them?
A: A book of Danish cartoons would be an excellent gift.
Q: A group of large, dangerous-looking gangsters visited my new shop yesterday demanding protection money. What shall I do?
A: Next time they come, kick the largest one in the seat of the pants as a sign of respect.
Q: I am going to visit Malaysia for the first time next week. What shall I bring?
A: Fill your suitcase and your pockets with illegal drugs. Don’t forget to put price labels on them.
*
AND IN OTHER NEWS…
*
ANOTHER SACKING TALE: Here’s a tale to add to our collection of stories of people being fired. Reader Christian Fardel once came back from a vacation in Mexico and told his employer: “I’m back from a beautiful country. I wouldn’t mind living there.” The boss replied: “Good. You’re sacked” and thanked him for “making it so easy”. *
PIZZA HUT IS changing its name to "The Hut”, because consultants say short, generic names are more memorable. Good idea. The Government of Myanmar should change its name to “The Thugs”.
* NAME OF A new playwright in Hong Kong: Cancer Chong. I learned this from a reader named Jason, who added: “She should be the winner of the ‘what were you thinking?’ award.” *
THE PAY OF post-graduates working at universities can be lower than welfare payments to the jobless, I heard from reader Chaminda de Silva. Okay, so who are the intelligent ones?
* A COMMITTEE OF top scientists has created an official scientific definition of the word “space”. It is the area that begins 118 kilometers above sea level on Planet Earth. Or, the vacuum that exists between the ears of George W. Bush.
* A NEW VENDING machine in Miami offers Bentley limousines at US$1.2 million. Downside: You have to stand there for a year, feeding coins into the slot. *
AND FINALLY…
* A WOMAN IN Germany told police she heard someone being tortured in the woods. Officers found Roland Hofmann laughing at a humorous book. A police officer told the press (I didn’t make this up): “The sound of Germans laughing is unusual.”
posted by General.maniak at
10:12 PM
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